I feel the need to advise you.



I was asleep last night. (Some people would think, “Well, obviously.” But those people don’t know me, very well.)

Anyway, I was perfectly content with not being awake, but for some reason my brain shut off the entertainment. I sleep on my side, and ever so slowly roll about halfway onto my belly. I was laying there in the darkness, completely wide-awake. Silently. The music from my computer had somehow stupidly paused itself. Even the normally unwieldy roar from my window fan seemed dismally quiet. I was about to discover that this is my body’s reaction to danger. There was an intruder in my room. Standing right above my bed. The way I was sleeping left my back completely exposed.

I felt a little thud, land on my right shoulder blade. I went to feel at it, because it stayed and kind of writhed about. I figured it was a moth of some sort, as they are norious for slipping in between my window fan and my window edge. As I grabbed it between between my thumb and index finger, I heard a loud POP sound, and felt the critter explode in my grasp. I jolted upright and wiped my shoulder off. Then as my hand was en route to it’s normal seating position, I glanced at something sitting on my finger.

It was a leg.

A HUGE spider leg, from what I assume to be a HUGE spider. I never saw the body. But that leg was haunting.

Now, let me just say, that under normal circumstances, I don’t care one way or the other about spiders or bugs. If one is crawling on me, I generally don’t do much aside from gently brush it off. Unless it bites. Then the ho is dead. But yeah, the only time I really kill a bug is when it’s in the kitchen, or in my bedroom. And I never freak out like a classic cartoon woman. Until it surprises me in my sleep, doesn’t let me see it, explodes unexpectedly, and leaves body part the size of the Eiffel Tower to clue me in on itself.

Then I’ll freak.

Of course, after that, I couldn’t go to sleep, because I kept feeling things all over me. Like when you walk into a spiderweb and you feel it hanging on you the whole day.

So then I went to the restroom. When I came back, there was another one running along on the floor next to my bed. He was too small to possess the previous appendage, but I killed him with the AC/DC adapter to my external HardDrive, regardless. I was afraid to get back into bed. Good lord.


~ by mcstene on July 31, 2010.

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