Movie reviews! en masse (Inception, Despicable Me, Sorcerer’s Apprentice)

Alright, so I saw Inception a few days ago, and I just saw the other two at my drive-in theater a few hours ago. I realized that I had forgotten to review Inception, so I’m putting it with the other two (undeservedly, however)

Do you like mazes? I do.  And while you’re reading this, I’m going to force you to like mazes, as well. So now that we share an amazeing common interest, let’s develop that. I will draw, for you, a maze. I’m going to draw it, and the walls will be made of Cinnamon Rolls. I implore you to solve it. Start at Blue, end at Red. Or I suppose you can do it vice Versa.

Cool, now that you’ve done that, and seen my little bit of sneakyside, our next venture, is to put you IN the maze. (this requires imagination. Ok, so you get settled into the maze, where the walls are made of Cinnamon Rolls. You can smell the gourmet creme overtop the fresh-baked bread, glazed with cinnamon. A glob of icing slips off the top of a wall, and lands on your shoe. You realize that you’re in a dream. A sweet confectionary dream, where diabeetus is not an enemy, where that sick feeling after eating too much candy is non-existent. The best part is that it won’t go straight to your hips. It’ll go straight to your boobs, and guys.. It’ll go straight to your girlfriend’s boobs. Did I mention you have a girlfriend? Yeah, this dream world is pretty fantastic.

But do you remember….. My SneakySide?

You now have the pleasure of noticing, that you’re not just in a Cinnamon Roll. The Cinnamon Roll is inside a box. The box is inside a car. The car is inside a plane. Lastly, the Plane is inside a Boat. A very large barge. Well, the barge hit an iceberg, which made the plane tip, causing the car to slide to the back, making the box fly into the air, and your Cinnamon Roll to get completely jumbled up. That maze up there is gone. You’re in a whole new world, and your magic carpet just caught fire. Oh, and Jasmine (your girlfriend with the boobs) is actually a lobster.

oops. Kinda forgot to mention that. Good luck to ya mate. oh. and….. this is timed. you have about a minute.

Welcome to the movie Inception. Get ready for some confusing twists, difficult to follow storylines, and a finale that will make you Scream for more Ellen Paige (or, Leonardo if you’re a lady).

In all honesty, it’s not super hard to follow. If you pay attention, and think ahead, you’ll only need to see it once to understand the plot. Some people see the confusion as a bad thing. My idea of a bad thing is having a plot explained by a ten-year-old, and then realizing he was right. Movies that make you think are good things. No one thinks anymore, and that’s troublesome. Amidst the confusion is some of the best action I’ve seen for a while, mixed with some mind-bending special effects, characters that have a level of depth to them, and an all around atmosphere of crazy. If you’re tired of always being able to predict the next step, watch this movie.

I give it a 10/10 without question.

Next up: Despicable Me!

Ok, I love Steve Carrel. I love Jason Segel. I love supervillians. I went in expecting to laugh and enjoy a movie filled with things I like. and then they went and upped the ante. If I hadn’t known that those two were starring in the movie, I wouldn’t have known by just watching it. So this a tip for anyone ducking out of seeing it because they don’t like either of those actors (which, we really shouldn’t be talking if this is the case. You still like mazes, though, right?). You’ll never notice. I really don’t have much else to say about the movie, honestly. The characters are awesome, the minions are adorable, the situations are outrageous, the humor is humorous, and the heartwarming parts warm your hearts. (You have multiple hearts for the sake of rhyming.) I rate it a solid 9/10. I’d give it a 10, but Inception is currently the only thing worthy of that number, right now.

Lastly: The Sorcerer’s Apprentice

I didn’t have a lot of interest in this movie. Lately, Nicolas Cage has only been a harbinger of disappointment, and anything with the words apprentice or sorcerer in the title are unable to get my engine running.I was pleasantly surprised by Nicolas Cage’s acting comeback, but I really hate Jay Baruchel (Dave). His voice aggravates me in ways I can’t possibly explain, and it would have made me hate How to Train Your Dragon, if his character didn’t have awesome lines. But I’ll try not to let that effect my judgement of the movie itself. besides, my hatred for him balances out from my appreciation of Alfred Molina (Doc Ock). Overall, the movie actually surprised me. I was expecting to fall asleep during it, but it had a good pace, and good humor. The end left something to be desired, but I’m content giving it a 7/10.

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~ by mcstene on July 25, 2010.

One Response to “Movie reviews! en masse (Inception, Despicable Me, Sorcerer’s Apprentice)”

  1. You wouldnt have remembered to rate Inception if it wasnt for me!…bitch

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